Every conversation within you

And then sometimes this happens and all that is left for you to do is wait for your ticket to arrive. October, you better not disappoint this year.

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall

Give me all the peace and joy in your mind

Back to Glasgow after too long (or not enough, depending who you ask).

Too many things happen and I can't stop time to take note of all of them. This is unlike me. I used to write about every single small thing that occurred in my life, dissect it with the surgical precision of a craftsman who's been doing this for many many years.

Now nothing.

Last week was the 10th anniversary of the death of my father. Many things changed in the past decade. People came and people went, I made new friends and countless encounters. I dated, I hated, I fucked my ways out of sadness and boredom. I forgot who I was and then reinvented myself with new looks, new hair and new words. I looked in the mirror and looked back too often.

I sometimes wonder whether he would be proud of my choices. He never saw any of them, my first play in high school, being accepted into the GSA, my graduation. My first kiss, my first boyfriend - or the second, or the third. He never found out what became of me, the person I grew up to be.

Scott said that I look too much like him. I wish I did. I want to carry his legacy out there. I want to be as kind as he was, as honest and as hard working, but I've hurt too many people already and all is lost. I even managed to forget about him. Just like this, for a day or two he was away from my mind - only to remember the days and wish to hide from everything and everyone even for a minute.

I miss him. Of course I miss him. There isn't a passing minute That I don't think about him, things he said or did. He'll always be there and I will always look up to the person he was, and will always-always try my best to be even half the person he was.


Един човек е по-голям от целия свят.

"Religion, a medieval form of unreason, when combined with modern weaponry becomes a real threat to our freedoms. This religious totalitarianism has caused a deadly mutation in the heart of Islam and we see the tragic consequences in Paris today.
I stand with Charlie Hebdo, as we all must, to defend the art of satire, which has always been a force for liberty and against tyranny, dishonesty and stupidity.
‘Respect for religion’ has become a code phrase meaning ‘fear of religion’. Religions, like all other ideas, deserve criticism, satire, and, yes, our fearless disrespect."

-Salman Rushdie, Author of The Satanic Verses

All love and grace

Минават седмици, минават месеци.

Понякога усещаш липсата от тракащите бутони под пръстите ти, понякога не. Понякога си приготвяш бирата, тихо е вкъщи и ти знаеш какво точно искаш да кажеш на света. После осъзнаваш, че няма значение, че никога е нямало - че всичко, което някога си искал да направиш, е да се върнеш обратно в леглото и да прочетеш още една глава от книгата, която ти е подарил приятелят ти за Коледа. Понякога осъзнаваш, че си поддържал този блог, само защото всичко останало е било прекалено болезнено, но за няколко кратки минути ти си контролирал всичко, което се случва. 

Всичко е наред сега, всичко е под контрол. Сега сме си собствените герои, сега се преборваме сами с всичко. Сега сме по-големи и се правим, че сме по-мъдри. Сега си примигваме на всички глупави сцени и си повтаряме, че един ден всичко ще е по-хубаво - един ден ще имаме хубави професии и хубав апартамент, ще пием хубаво кафе и ще имаме време да се присъединяваме към приятелите си всеки уикенд. 

Засега имаме един друг и това е всичко, от което имам нужда.

Честита нова година и се надявам всички вие да имате неща, към които да се стремите и хора, за които сърцата ви да избухват ден и нощ.